What If?
by Gavorchesan
Summary: You didn't consider Itachi anything more then a friend. He politely and firmly, disagreed. Humor commences. A sort of alternate version of if Itachi never had to kill his clan. Super humorous and silly. To offset the seriousness of my other Itachi story.
1. Chapter 1

Part One- Would you...

 _This little story if a story that potentially could have happened_

 _If Itachi had never killed the Itachi family, but somehow managed_

 _To find peace._

Her long braid swayed behind her as she ran, during the regular training laps. She had taken running up after one mission where she was far outstriped by the rest of the squad. It had made her so furious that she had started doing regular laps, much to her dislike. She had become the fastest person in her squad.

Itachi tried not to stare to hard at how her sweaty clothes clung to her, nor how her chest rose and fell. He was _not_ a pervert, he said to himself... he just had to protect his girl. After all, she had said she liked him.

He was intelligent, and knew that there was no real guarantee she meant much by it, but there was _something_ there. They had been friends for too long for her not to feel something.

"Itachi."

He _knew_ Shisui would come, but it still grated him that he had become so predictable. His cousin wouldn't let him live it down now.

"What do you want Shisui?"

"Hey, man, that's not kind! After all the sleuthing I've done for you."

"I didn't ask for your help."

"That's cold Itachi."

He didn't reply to the jab. Shisui had been near unbearable- not only had he been quote on quote, gathering information about the goings on of _his women_ , he has poisoned Sasuke's young mind, telling him _to call her his bride._

Not that it wasn't true, but it had made her so embarrassed she had been avoiding him for a couple of weeks.

Which led him here now.

 _Damn Shisui._

Was it was a little too much to ask for some privacy about his personal feelings?

"So what is your next plan? I hear that some guys are planning on asking her out soon to that dance." Itachi didn't answer, but watched as the girl's running became slower until she came to a stop. She didn't rest too long, putting on a hoodie over her thin white shirt- good, not to attracted attention.

Even she knew that she had become rather popular recently. Itachi had a suspicion of _why_ but he hadn't checked his sources yet. He had to follow her, to foil any fool that would dare enter Uchiha territory. Not that he was violent, but he did have his own limits.

She was _way_ past that limit.

Shisui sighed at his cousin. He hadn't never seen Itachi anxious or worried in the past- but the moment his crush gets cold feet he's all up in arms. It was hilarious, and he was going to take advantage of _every single damn moment._ He had to get back at Itachi for being so _damn_ perfect all the time.

Itachi got up, and Shisui followed suit.

"It's simple. I will just have to formulate a plan to make her fall in love with me." Shisui sighed.

"It's not that simple, Itachi man. We both know your _true love_ is just a little hesitant at the roses and proposals."

"That's _your_ fault Shisui." Little images of Sasuke popped up, harassing a pretty young girl, dancing around Shisui's conspiratorial head. Shisui's maniacal laughter seemed to be the background noise of the scene.

"Moron." That was enough to quiet him. "If you want to help me, stop talking."

Shisui sighed again, but nodded his head. Then, Itachi began talking.

XXXXXXXXXX

This was not how she imagined her day would be going. She had started with her daily run, then went home to shower and change. Her brother seemed a bit tense and on edge, and his wife was no better. Taking care of their new child had been consuming, but they were overly concerned about her today.

That had left her on edge. _Suspicious_. Her birthday wasn't for a few months, nor were there any holiday's soon. In fact... the only thing she could think of was that weird dance the fourth hokage was insisting turning into a tradition. He was a calm, cool looking guy, but she couldn't help feel a bit wary by him. She didn't think a casual dance was anything new. Besides, she knew _he_ wouldn't be there. Itachi been busy lately, and she had sort of felt awkward around him. Come to think of it, she had been so flustered about the remarks Sasuke had made to her, that she had walked into a pole later that day.

While she didn't purposely avoid Itachi, she had felt strange around him. And it was when she started hanging out less with him that other guys started acting strange around her. Yamato, a guy in the Black Ops had given her flowers the other day. Even Kakashi had been a bit strange. Itachi had been like her insulation, and she knew her place with him.

Maybe it was good? She had hung off of Itachi, dragging him back. He had never mentioned anything, but he was kind to be good to her.

But, today was on a level of its own. She had been called on _three_ missions to find lost cats, and had accidentally found herself in three magnificently decorated areas, only to find a no one at the end. She was so embarrassed she quietly left, finding the cat.

Not only that, Yamato had appeared out of nowhere, only to be taken out by Gai Might, screaming something about youth.

She was so exhausted and flustered that she had been slow to return to the Hokage's office, and when she did, she told the man she was sick. She could tell the young yellow haired flash knew she was lying. It was only thanks to a visit from Kushina and their cute toddler that saved her.

She snuck out carefully, leaving the man to his _tamale_ of a wife. He.

With a heavy sigh she flopped onto the bed. Then she nearly screamed.

She jumped off the bed into the corner, as the bump on her bed moved up. She grabbed a kunai, ready to strike, when a hand reached out and pulled her under the covers.

She was breathless as she realized Itachi sat above her, hands grabbing her wrists. He let them go when she realized that it was him and relaxed.

"Itachi."

"Long day?" She did feel jumpy.

"Yes, but I'm glad to see you."

He nodded, smiling as she pulled him down to her chest.

"It's been awhile."

"Yes, your ANBU is important. I understand." He shifted his head, putting his arms around her. He turned, pulling her over so she could rest on his chest.

"Not as important as you." She froze, looking up at his smooth face, with only a two rivets under his eyes. His dark pupils were looking at her, the expression intense. It was a strong statement from a calm man. She suddenly felt self conscious. Why was Itachi here? He had a habit of meeting her at night, but never like this. They occasionally rested like this, but now, she realized, he was... a man.

Not just Itachi, her friend, but also... a man. A man that was holding her, that appeared in her moment of need.

She stopped.

How had he known? Was it a coincidence?

Ha. Nothing was with Itachi.

"Itachi." Her voice was low, and her body went rigid. The man turned into a boy again, recognizing the tone in her voice. "Were you following me today?"

"..." He didn't answer, his eyes closing.

"Itachi Uchiha." He finally opened his eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

...

It really didn't make sense.

"You are so strange Itachi." The uncomfortable feelings went away, and Itachi knew that once again the moment passed. He sighed, just holding the girl who wasn't pleased, and definitely no longer contemplating on their imminent romance.

But, she didn't kick him out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two- ...be okay...**

"Hokage!" She bowed in front of the blonde Kage who was currently holding his small son, Naruto. He gave a gracious smile to her, then continued bouncing his screaming son on his knee.

"Thank you for coming. I know that you have been busy, _and a bit sick-"_ She flushed at that part, "but I am in dire need of you help."

"Of course, Lord Hokage."

"I need you..." She imagined a myriad of problems, missions and things she would be sent to deal with. Would it be border patrol? Would be be upgraded to ANBU?

"I need you to help plan for the dance- and I want you to take Naruto with you."

Admittedly, she did stop, jaw dropping.

"What?"

The Hokage gave her a look, and she shut it quickly.

"With all due respect, Lord Hokage-" He put a hand up and she politely stopped, but the look on her face was enough to send her message.

"I don't lightly assign you to do this. This gathering is very important, since several emissaries of different villages will be attending. My son is also very precious: It can be wild, and heaven know other nations would love to get their hands on him."

A large depression of blackness fell over the girl's head as she realized that one way or another the Hokage would force her to do this mission. Her mother was a popular party planner, and also enjoyed tending children. She herself was a registered day-care worker, since her mother often needed another hand.

"Yes, Lord Hokage." A smiled appeared on Minato's face, then he held out his cute son, who giggled when the girl took him. All the children loved her, as they were tended by her at one point or another.

With a large dark cloud following them, she left to get started. An old man that had been sitting to the side, the former third Hokage gave a laugh.

The fourth turned to him, as if he were to also question the decision. The old man continued to snicker, seeing right through the fourths 'plan'.

"I never imagined you could be swayed so easily, Minato." The blonde haired man had to give it to the third. Age had not tampered his quick mind.

"Obito doesn't often beg for help, and I couldn't see any harm in granting it." The old man burst into laughter.

"How conspiratorial!" The younger man shook his head politely, and went back to work. The old man needed a new hobby.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

He could feel the sweat staining the paper lanterns he was hanging. Was he not atop ninja, he mused to himself?

Obito's heart beat rapidly at the thought of the suggestion of the Fourth Hokage. Oh god, ever since Kakashi has snagged up Rin for the dance he had been positively lost for who to ask to the mandatory dance. He had just gotten back from a mission when the said man had casually suggested he ask _the girl._ Otherwise known as Itachi Uchiha's hardcore crush. Pretty much everyone knew that the said female was off limits- but even so, he couldn't deny a request from the Hokage. Even if it meant putting his own life in serious danger. He could only imagine what was going to happen when Itachi found out his older cousin had help me set up various romantic situations.

However, this was a new challenge. Dear Lord. She had Naruto, the fourth's son, with her. Naruto was still pretty young, tended to be obnoxious to the max, and tended to cause no end of trouble. Itachi's girl was one of the few who he actually liked- she often took him out to spar and talk.

Naruto didn't really like him, and he was fairly certain if he tried to be super cool, the kid would ruin his proposal. He had already managed to spring several traps he had laid out for her earlier.

Not only that, but he sensed Itachi nearby.

Obito sighed, continuing to put up decorations for the dance. He occasionally glanced over at her, trying to not catch Itachi's eye.

It was all too much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three- If I held you forever?**

The lights in the gym were dim, thin strings of lanterns draped across the ceiling in the gaudy way only acceptable in a dance for teenagers. Itachi saw when she entered, on arm carrying the fourth Hokage's wild kid, on the other side his cousin, Obito. He could tell that the pale faced ninja was avoiding his every look.

After his girl and Obito had been jointly assigned to set up for the party, and take care of the kid, Itachi had been waiting in the shadows, a threatening force. But apparently he wasn't able to express the real threat his cousin was in if he thought he was going to get away with asking to go to the dance with the girl, just as friends.

F-cking Obito Uchiha. Itachi didn't slam down his cup, or express any of the grim dissatisfaction that was due, but his grim mouth was enough to keep even Orochimaru from bothering him. The punch he sat by had long been spiked thanks to a surprise visit from Tsunade, but his blood was ice cold.

"Does Obito have _any_ sense of self preservation?" Itachi glared up at the mocking voice of the turncoat Shisui. "I mean, everyone else has noticed that he may not live through the night." Shisui smirked at the sight of various woman who had seen Itachi alone at the dance, and trying to catch his eyes. Pointless- Perfect Itachi had it bad.

"Occupational hazard," Itachi said lightly, standing. "He should know that well enough." Shisui had the damn nerve to laugh.

"Had you not been a total coward, she'd be hanging off your arm tonight, and not thinking she is some third choice date. Come on Itachi, you know the poor guy asked her because he was desperate." Itachi folded the arms of his kimono, only slightly hiding the kunai he had tucked away.

"Careful- that woman is _first class_ in everything. Besides, you asshole, I know that it was you that was helping Obito set up those little picnics." Shisui raised his hands, innocently.

"Orders from the Fourth, my man." Itachi actually gave something that sounded like a snort. He instead focused on _her._ She was beautiful, her smooth clear skin gleaming, long hair pulled up in a fashionable updo. He had never seen her so formal, but the well fitting dress did wonders for the willowy figure she hid. Not to mention she looked very happy, laughing at Obito's stupid jokes.

Itachi sat back, in defeat." I don't understand. I've hinted to her, I've straight up told her how I feel, and chased every other guys away." Shisui frowned. His normally resilient and clever cousin had hit an impasse.

"Hey, man. I could always take him out for a bit." Itachi shook his head.

"No, she would know it had something to do with you, and therefore me. Just leave me alone, Shisui."

"Then- you can only do one thing." Itachi turned to his cousin, poised to walk away and dance with some beautiful women. "You _show_ her your feelings. She can't fake not knowing what a big old smacker means."

Itachi didn't bother with a reply, but stood up, ready to leave. He didn't notice that _his girl_ had finally seen him, the crowds of girls around him parting miraculously.

XXXXXX

"Obito, does Itachi look _angry_ to you?" The ninja became even more pale, turning his head away from the younger man. He knew that there would be some sort of revenge, petty or serious after. They returned to the dance floor after Naruto had been reunited with his mother.

"Well, you know Itachi was upset that I asked you first right?" She turned, face turning bright red.

"But... why would he do that? I mean, he's so popular and could have any date. I'm just his friend!" Obito turned to her, eyes wide.

"You mean, you don't know?" She frowned. Her latest memory of Itachi was him surrounded by several females, begging to go to the dance with him. And him not saying no.

"Know what?" Obito had a minor internal struggle, debating whether or not she was actually serious.

"Itachi obviously likes you. I think he was trying to make you jealous. It probably backfired."

The shades of red the girls face went through weren't concealed by the makeup she had put on. Around her throngs of people were dancing, and she could not longer see Itachi. Which was fine, since she felt like a cherry now.

"Obito, I'm flattered, but I don't think he does." Suddenly, the Uchiha got a look on his face.

"I've got an idea."

XXXXXX

Itachi had almost reached the exit when something almost hit him from behind. He smoothly turned, catching the object. In his hands was the crazy son of the Fourth Hokage, his face scrunched up.

"Hey! Sasuke's brother right!" Itachi gave a soft half smile, nodding. "Good! I wanted to tell you that nasty Obito took your girlfriend outback! He said he was gonna kiss her!"

Itachi nearly dropped the child. He immediately had about forty questions- How could this child talk so well? Why was he so sassy? How did he escape the nursery. _How did he know that he liked her?_

However, his normal, calm sense of direction was tossed upside down as only the last words entered his skull.

 _He said he was gonna kiss her- Obito had the guts to actually make a move on his girl- HIS GIRL, and he was going to kiss her. But he didn't love her, nor deserve her the way that he did!_

While Itachi should have taken the kid back inside, he opted to _throw_ him inside, slam the front doors shut behind him, and race to the back.

A walk that should have been a minute took seconds, and then he saw them. It should have been a bitterly romantic scene, both by the pond, and several flowers. The moon brightly lit both. Obito was leaning his head down towards her, and she had this surprised look of shock _that he interpreted as horror_ on her face.

Obito turned, ducking from the kick that may have decapitated him. Preparing, he pulled out the kunai hidden in his casual kimono. Itachi followed suit, standing in front of the girl. The said girl was standing stiff at the turn of events.

"What are you _doing_ Obito?"

"Heh, Itachi. What's a matter?"

"How dare you try and ki-"

"Well she wasn't say no, was she?" Itachi stiffened, turning to the girl who flushed a deep beet red, legs trembling. She raised her hands.

"It's not like that-"

"Do you like him!" He turned to her, hands out, voice strained. She looked down, rubbing her arms.

"Does it matter?" She said softly.

Itachi stopped, feeling his own face go red.

A moment passed.

"Yes!" At the outburst, she raised her own head, only to be taken into Itachi's arms. She saw Obito smirk, cross his arms, and disappear.

" _What_?" She whispered. She felt his face scrunch up, and _oh god,_ tears.

"Haven't I told you?" He pulled out, then to her shock, tapped her on her forehead. "You're mine."

She must have gone neon red, but a shaky smile came to her face.

"You... you mean it?" He smiled, leaning in.

"Yes." He kissed her.

Unfortunately, she lost her footing, and they both fell into the pond, ruining the moment. Itachi took that as a good moment to get away from the crowds. Later, in his room, she flushed as he handed oher one of his own shirts. He politely turned away as she put it on, but after, he gathered her in his arms, and this time, they cuddled in his bed.

But with more kissing.

XXXXXX

The next morning the Hokage was only mildly surprised to see Obito Uchiha's head sticking outside of his house. The rest of the drunk kid had been buried. The man sighed, walking to his old student.

"I'm surprised they didn't do worse, Obito." The google wearing boy sighed.

"It seems that Shisui is still on Itachi's side, even after all the scheming we did together- but I feel that it was a success, despite that."

The Hokage nodded. "Yes, very well done. I've been trying to get them together forever. They'll have marvelously strong children." A sweatdrop appeared on Obito's head. "Attractive ones as well."

"Well, Sensei, I guess so." The Fourth nodded, hand on his chin. Later he would see Itachi hand in hand with _his_ girl, soft blushes on both of their faces.

But for now he just nodded.

"I guess I can send you and Rin on that trip _alone_ now. Kakashi won't be pleased." Obito gave a snotty smile. "But for now, I think Naruto will have a fun time with this. The smile turned into a horrified look as the blonde haired kid came out with a waterhose.

"Sensei... sensei... NO SENE-AGHWHAHAAAAAA."


End file.
